She hands him his $0.64 in change and as he walks away with his coffee in hand, he gestures towards the tip jar: “put it towards your college fund.”
We turn and stare at him with our jaws dropped, and as his back is turned I flip him the bird. Perhaps inappropriate, but well-deserved.
A letter, then, to The Asshole.
Perhaps you thought this measly donation to our tip jar was a mighty show of generosity and understanding for what you obviously consider to be our lesser position in society. Though in your narrow-minded, elitist point of view we are screw-ups, burn-outs, slackers, fuck-ups, and any other of the litany of judgmental yet not necessarily offensive names you might think to call us, we would have you know that, in fact, every single one of us holds a college degree (and if we didn’t, what would it matter?). Some, in fact, hold more than one, or soon will. We speak multiple languages and have traveled the world, and are talented musicians, artists, athletes, educators, writers, and community leaders. We are mothers and mothers-to-be, we are girlfriends and wives and single ladies, sons and brothers. We have made a choice to be here, college degrees and life experiences (which I am sure far exceed yours) in hand, and respect ourselves and the choices we’ve made. We respect our colleagues, who have made similar life choices, and we respect — usually — those we encounter in our daily lives.
All of this is more than can be said for you, you disrespectful, judgmental, self-superior prick. You seem to have missed the lesson which the rest of us learned in kindergarten (perhaps you didn’t go?): that above all else is respect for one’s self and for others, and after that is to not judge a book by its cover. Perhaps, then, you ought to put your sixty-four cents in change towards your college education and pick up on all those lessons you missed.
Till next time, when we might flip you off to your face,
The Ski Bums.